I intended to update this blog way more than it has been updated, but things happen of course. I don't need to tell you that. I could blame it on the Holidays but the truth is being a mom in general is just time consuming. And that's all I do! I still don't work, in the traditional sense. Though I am starting school again on the 31st (of January) which is bittersweet. Just 2 classes but they are tough ones and they will come with homework, which is something that will compete with Jackson for my undivided attention. But I do need to finish my degree, for Jackson's sake, and on the plus side his dad is quitting his job when the semester starts so we can both do the school thing and actually spend time together as a family on nights and weekends (what a concept).
So, it's been a quite a year. The best one of my life, easily, and the most momentous. 2010 brought me more love than I thought fathomable. I am a better person than I was at this time last year. I am changed, and I am whole.
Somehow my little guy is going to be 6 months old (half a year!!) in about two weeks. Honestly I know I was warned time and time again by veteran parents that it was going to go by fast, but jeez. The other day I was watching my son sit up unassisted and I had a mental flashback of him as a newborn, a couple of weeks old, blinking up at me. A flashback already! Because he looks so different than when he was born, my little baby, my first, my precious. It's a bit sad and almost makes me want to have another.
Almost.
Seriously, even if money was not an issue, we would be waiting a while. Don't get me wrong, I want him to have a sibling but...I just don't think I could do it. I need to give myself time, my body, my mind, and also I feel as though Jackson deserves my attention. I remember how ass-draggingly exhausted I was for the first few months of my pregnancy and if I had to get up several times a night while feeling like that? No good, for anyone. And yes, Jackson still wakes up several times per night. I don't look at the clock anymore. I am not obsessed with him "sleeping through the night" anymore. He is a baby, I am his mother, and we are nursing. I will give him what he needs until he doesn't need it anymore. I have learned to adjust.
So anyway, it is New Years Eve. Of course, the boyfriend/daddy is working tonight, AND tomorrow, because his boss didn't get the message about it being a national holiday. Ah, well. Not like we would be out partying. My babe and I will do our usual thing (which now includes him eating some dinner with me, how fun!) and I may treat myself to some white zinfandel when he goes to sleep. I will most likely be in bed by 10:30, as usual. I didn't watch the ball drop last year either, newly pregnant as I was, and I see no point this year. I am going to celebrate the ending of the year by finally going through our clothes and putting away/donating the ones we don't wear, including my maternity clothes and Jackson's newborn attire, both of which are still hanging in our closets (I know, I'm lazy). Out with the old...
I don't make New Years resolutions because I feel like you shouldn't need an excuse to better yourself. I try to be the best I can be every day, even if lately most of that energy goes into trying to be the best mom I can be, because right now that is my job. I do have goals, and my most important one for 2011 is to get the Hell out of here. In five months our lease will be up and we are moving far away from this desolate wasteland of idiotic college students and...not much else. Our original plan was to move back "home" (where we grew up, an hour and a half away) but now we are looking at schools down by where my mother lives (and where my sister will live soon), about five hours away. I would love nothing more than to be near my family and start over. I am just waiting for boyfriend/daddy to get on board. Lovely area, great schools, and family. What more could you ask for? I can't wait, I daydream about it every day.
Must attend to my wiggle worm, but I wish all of you a wonderful New Years Eve. Please drink responsibly.
Auld Lang Syne (New Years eve song)
Should old acquaintances be forgotten, And never brought to mind? Should old acquaintances be forgotten, And days of long ago For old long ago, my dear For old long ago, We will take a cup of kindness yet For old long ago. We two have run about the hillsides And pulled the daisies fine, But we have wandered many a weary foot For old long ago. We two have paddled (waded) in the stream From noon until dinner time, But seas between us broad have roared Since old long ago. And there is a hand, my trusty friend, And give us a hand of yours, And we will take a goodwill draught (of ale) For old long ago And surely you will pay for your pint, And surely I will pay for mine! And we will take a cup of kindness yet For old long ago! |  |
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